Thorns and stings are a plant’s defense system. We humans build defenses to protect ourselves too and, although we don’t grow thorns, some of our human defenses are not very pleasant! In Growing Me, we use examples from nature to destigmatise difficult behaviours, and understand them from a place of compassion.

Brambles grow thorns in an attempt to stop big predators eating their tasty berries, as little birds and mice will carry their seeds the furthest.

Nettles provide nurseries and food for caterpillars, with stings that prevent them from being eaten by grazers, so they can keep their rich leaves and nourishing the environment around them.

Teasels are so sharp and spiky that it is often only the Goldfinch and a few other canny birds that can perch on the top to tease the seeds out from the barbed crown.

Humans also develop defenses because they need them. It is not conscious and because they usually begin to develop when we’re young we often don’t understand them. There are parts within all of us that work to prevent us feeling sadness and fear, sometimes sadly at a great cost. These parts learn from their environment and, as we grow, we become people-pleasers, over-workers, staying-in-controllers, drinkers, drug-takers, commitment-avoiders, we get angry or aggressive, and sometimes we dissociate. There is always a reason for our defenses no matter how spiky or painful they may be. And, if we can have curiosity and compassion for the job the defense is trying to do, we may allow things to change.

There can be wisdom in defenses and, if we learn to look and to listen we will find tenderness, love, courage beneath each one.