Sunshine is important to us at Growing Me, whatever the season,

And, we find wisdom in welcoming its transformative light to the more challenging aspects of our lives… This week, it’s Parenting that needs a little ray of sunshine!

Parents do one of the most undervalued jobs in society, yet arguably one of the most important. They juggle the demands of family logistics, finances, education, physical and emotional well-being. For parents who care for children who have experienced early life trauma the demands, and stakes, are even higher. So how do we care for parents? 

Let’s backtrack a bit… 

Recently, there has been lots of news about news – negative news to be precise – and research that illuminates why we humans tend to focus on the negative. It comes down to another useful-in-the-past, but not-so-useful-in-modern-life, aspect of our evolutionary biology that attempts to help us prevent future disasters. But the big brains we’ve evolved are, fortunately, not stuck in the past and have the capacity for change. We are capable of, what is known as, neuroplasticity, of growing new pathways in our brains the whole of our lifetimes. 

Researchers into Growth Mindset have demonstrated that if we believe our brains can grow, we behave differently. We can change our mindsets, and when we do, it leads to increased motivation and achievement. What is more, we are social creatures and are affected by what we see and hear and experience – if we experience kindness we are more likely to feel compassionately towards ourselves and to act kindly towards others. This, in turn, is likely to be passed on, so that the original act of kindness becomes multiplied many times over. 

The same is also true for negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. 

The quality of our actions impacts the world around us in very real ways. 

So, what does this have to do with parenting and Growing Me? Quite a lot actually.

Because, to support people we need to think about them as the complex and wonderful humans that they all are, from the very outset.

Traditionally, those trying to access support for a child need to focus on the negative because they need to convince the decision makers that their child is not OK. And it starts with the pages and pages of questions about the child and their relationship with them; pages and pages, and hours and hours, of negative bias. All necessary to convince a social worker who must convince their management, or the Adoption Support Fund, that this child is ‘not ok’ and needs an ‘intervention’.

Parents tell us that filling out forms makes them depressed; makes them more aware of the negative in their child and in their relationship, which they see as worse after form filling than they did before. Some parents tell us that they don’t access support specifically because of the negative impact that form filling has on their own mental health and capacity to parent. We often hear that the results that the forms produce do not even paint an accurate picture of how things really are.   

Growing Me will not add to the challenges of parenting by asking for forms to be filled that  focus on the negative. 

Letting the Sunshine In is one of our guiding principles.. and this must start right from the beginning.

We are working to find a way to evaluate Growing Me from a positive bias, and from a growth mindset. We know we must satisfy decision makers, and we want to know that Growing Me works, but we want to find a way of doing so that aligns with what we know is good for people and the world. 

We want to be the act of kindness that grows.