Toolkit

FAQs

If you have any questions, read our FAQs. If the answer you’re looking for isn’t there, drop us an email.

• What Is Life Story Work?

  The term Life Story Work (LSW) is generally used for the process of giving care-experienced children information about themselves and their past. As such, LSW aims to support a child’s self-knowledge, and sense of identity, as well as improved understanding of events from their past.

  It is a legal obligation that LSW is delivered to adopted children, and there is an expectation that LSW may be useful to children with any care-experience.

  However, children who have suffered early-life trauma, separation, and loss, need LSW to be much more than a “story of their life”. Even a carefully constructed life story can read like a nightmare, the delivery of which can be damaging to the child’s sense of self, security, and stability. The Work that surrounds the Life Story is, in fact, the most important part of the process, involving careful and therapeutic consideration; the unique needs and preferences of each child must be at its heart.

  Growing Me has carefully considered the themes which impact care-experienced children. Using therapeutic expertise, we have designed a Life Story Work journey that will help them navigate their relationship to their own experiences, on their terms.

  Growing Me’s Life Story Work includes:

  Taking ownership of the process;
  Learning about feeling calm;
  Understanding emotions;
  Exploring interdependence;
  Thinking about parenting;
  Discovering unique inner resources;
  Exploring belonging;
  Considering the past;
  Considering the future;
  Celebrating the good and processing the bad.

  The journey aims to improve a child’s self-knowledge on multiple levels, helping explore their sense of identity, as well as their relationship, and understanding of the past.

• How Do I Register My Kit And Log Into The Portal?

  Each Growing Me toolkit comes with a unique code that will access the web part of your journey. This code will be found on your physical tool-kit. It will start with …. and have … numbers. For example: ……

  Go to www.growingme.co.uk and click…….. where you will be asked for your Access Code. Enter the unique number there and let Growing Me do the rest.

  If there are problems logging on, there is help on the log on page

• What If I Need To Pass The Kit Onto Another Adult?

  Growing Me is a journey of discovery for a child and their trusted grown-up with their relationship at the core. For this reason, Growing Me does not recommend passing the kit to another adult unless it is cannot be avoided

  However, we know that life happens and, if the grown-up needs to stop, the kit can be passed to another suitable grown-up that the child will feel safe with. The tool-kit is given, together with the CODE, so that the pair can pick up where the child left off. However, it may be that the child wishes to go back and revisit previous sessions with the new grown-up, which would be a great way to begin.

  However a child responds outwardly to change, their feelings must be considered. Endings and changes can be difficult for any child but for those who have experienced separation and loss a change in grown-up may trigger earlier memories of abandonment, and feelings of self-blame. Children are seldom in control of changes that happen around them so as much notice as possible is crucial. The feeling of ‘loss’ will come into the sessions and must be named by the grown-up, whether or not the child acknowledges it. It is important that the child is told they have done nothing wrong, and are not responsible for the change in grown-up.

  The 10 Grown-up Bits of the journey provide vital information about the process the pair have gone through, and support the grown-up as they step into their new role. We recommend that the new adult listens to the sessions missed, or reads the PDFs. It’s also advisable for the grown-ups to spend some time in a hand-over; discuss the process, share the child’s journey in art work, and anecdotes. It may be that, if done well, the change in grown-up may allow the child to revisit previous losses and to process them within the framework of Growing Me.

• I’m Worried About Doing This Alone. Is There Professional Support Available?

  Growing Me has been designed as a holistic journey and toolkit that contains everything you need for the 10 sessions. You do not need to be a professional, or have professional support, to do it. We hope that you will discover that you already are everything your child needs you to be.

  The Grown-up Bit of Growing Me supports your side of the journey, and has been designed with care for you in mind. It offers reflective space and empowering exercises, as well as useful information that will support you to support your child. In addition, Growing Me asks you to nominate a Supporter. Your Supporter will know where you are on the journey, and they will be alerted if you need support along the way. This could be a phone call or an email, as you decide.

  Your supporter may be the professional who bought you the kit, or they may be someone else who you have a trusting relationship with.

  It may be that you need professional support to access information about your child’s past.

• How Do I Encourage My Child To Engage With The Process?

  It can be hard to talk to children about therapeutic interventions that we grownups think will be good for them. Our information video will explain what Growing Me is in a child friendly way, but here are some ideas that you might want to adapt:

  First intro conversation to Growing Me:

  “I’ve found this fun website that I think you’ll like. It comes with a massive box of things for us to do together – and I would love to make time to look at it with you. It’s for you and me – not for ……… (name of other sibling/children in house/class).”

  “I’m going to make time for us to do Growing Me… and I’d really like to do this.

  I will make regular times for us to watch the website and play with the kit. (We might need to take time off school – if that’s possible). In Growing Me time we get to decide what snacks to bring.. I think I know what you want!!”

  Let’s be blunt, for some children the lure of time off school and snacks will be what it takes to engage – but for others it will be something different. Some children find it hard to admit they want fun times with their grown-ups, but most children will be happy to make time for this. One-to-one time with a caring adult is often a rarity for children so this can be a big selling point, even if they don’t admit to wanting it.

• Will This ‘Fix’ My Child’s Trauma?

  Early life trauma impacts the developing body, mind, and emotional systems of a child and, sadly, there is no easy ‘fix’. In fact ‘fix’ isn’t really the best word to use!

  However,
  senses can get better at making sense of the world;
  The body’s safety systems can learn to feel calmer;
  Behaviour can change; and
  Safety can be experienced in relationships where before there was fear.

  Growing Me brings all of these aspects into the arms of the most important determiner of all – the relationship a child has with an important grownup. We believe that Growing Me will become part of a child’s life and their journey of healing.

  There are so many reasons to be hopeful for children who have experienced early life trauma; incredible people are doing incredible things not in spite of their trauma – but in many cases because of it.

  Young people develop resilience, and creative resourcefulness from their extreme experiences. So Growing Me reminds us to have faith in the people we care for and to envisage positive futures for them. Although a person’s trauma can’t be ‘fixed’ there is every reason to believe they will be wonderful.

• We Already Have A Life Story Book, Would Growing Me Be Useful?

  Yes.

  Growing Me is an interactive, creative, educational, and explorative process that invites a child to understand and express their experience of themselves – ao a child will ‘engage with’ their story rather than have it ‘delivered to’ them.

  If your child has a Life Story Book already, you have not only information about their past, but clues to how your child feels about it. Growing Me will invite them to explore, understand, and express themselves on their terms, with a person who is important to them.

• My Child's Had Therapy Before, Will This Still Be Useful?

  Yes.

  Because Growing Me is done with a grown-up who the child already knows, it means that therapeutic learning can be brought into everyday life, and into an important relationship.

  Growing Me contains aspects of sensory integration, and trauma and attachment therapy modalities, as well as art therapy, and creative therapeutic life story work. Any previous therapy your child has done will be built upon with the tools that Growing Me offers.

  If your child is currently having therapy please speak to their therapist about whether Growing Me could complement the work they are doing.

• What Age Is Growing Me For?

  7 to 24

  People grow at different rates. Our heights, reading ages, skills and abilities can all be different even if we are exactly the same age as someone.

  For children who have experienced early life trauma the differences are even greater because they did not get what they needed as they were growing. The resulting gaps in their development mean it is often wise to consider the emotional age of a child to be younger than that for their chronological years. For this reason Growing Me may be appropriate for any child who has the ability to reflect.

  Even older teenagers and young adults can engage with Growing Me because it engages the playful and younger aspects of themselves. Watch the Information Video with your young person and see how they respond.

• How Will I Know If Growing Me Is Right For Me And My Child?

  Think about what you want for you and your child. What are your dreams, and is anything getting in the way?

  Growing Me invites you to think about how a child experiences themselves, and their relationships with others. It will help them recognise their unique resources; it will help them find out that, no matter what’s been going on, they are ‘normal’, and that their feelings and behaviours make sense. Growing Me will suit any child with a curious mind (that’s most, right?!) and any grown-up who wants to help them find life enhancing answers to their questions.

  However, there will be times when Growing Me needs to be considered as part of a bigger intervention, or it simply might not be the right time at all. If a child’s living situation is unstable (a move may be imminent or has just happened), or school or the community feels unsafe (e.g. bullying, difficult relationship with a teacher), it is these external events that need to be addressed first. Growing Me informs and empowers both grown-ups and children, so it is possible that the journey will help them cope better with current challenges. However, it must be noted that if an external threat accompanies a child’s Growing Me journey, their ability to engage and benefit could be negatively impacted.

• I'm Not A Therapist! How Can I Do Life Story Work With My Child?

  You absolutely can, and even the fact that you ask that question suggests that you are the right person to accompany a child on this journey. Everyone has more skills than they realise and most people have what it takes to show up, be themselves, and support a child through sensitive issues.

  The structure of Growing Me places the grown-up at the centre of the journey with each session beginning with a Grown-up Only bit. From then on there is a step-by-step guide from the first to the last session.

  If your own past was difficult (and let’s face it, many have childhoods that were less than perfect) you may find that as you support your child on their journey, you revisit some of your own story. And it might just be that this is what makes you the very best person to do this work with your child.

• Do I Need Information About My Child's Past?

  The answer is that it depends.

  In the first session, the child has the opportunity to ask questions about their past. So at this point you’ll know if you need to go hunting for the information. They will tell you what they want to know.
  It’s OK if you can’t get it – you can tell them the truth. Dealing with ‘not-knowing’ is an important part of the process for care-experienced children.

  We cannot know, for example, why some people did what they did – or why a court made a certain decision. But we can reflect just how hard it is not to know all the facts and reasons they happened. As a child grows, they will form a relationship with their past in a way that makes sense to them.

• Does Growing Me Work For Neurodivergent Children, And Those With Developmental Delays?

  Yes. A high proportion of care-experienced children are neurodivergent, so this has been a consideration from the beginning. Sensory considerations are paramount and from the first to the last session helping the child and grownup feel their own version of good is a number one priority.

  Growing Me was designed by mums with neurodivergent children of their own 🙂

• Can I Get My Money Back If My Child Doesn't Like It, Or Won’t Engage?

  Growing Me aims to cover everything a family needs to make the journey successful for a child and their grown-up… but we can’t ensure it will be right for everyone, at the time they try it. For this reason we cannot give refunds if the toolkit is in working order.